Future Flight May Require Adult Diapers
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by: KerrySmith
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Word Count: 565
Today's paper revealed that the traveling public's Enemy No. 1 is still wreaking havoc. With his usual low profile, Les LeGroom has kept quietly behind the scenes while coaching airlines with their major decision making. For those unfamiliar with the man, a brief history would be that Les became a highly sought after consultant for the airlines after he left the sardine canning industry in the early nineties with an unprecedented package. His professional forte of packing humans into smaller and smaller spaces is evident in a recent flush of new aircraft deliveries to major airlines. The new planes have the same cabin space as previous models except that they sport an additional dozen or more seats.
Les LeGroom is an ideas man who produces results and that is why the airlines love him. Openly admitting that he would never himself invest in airline stock because of their notoriously razor thin margins, he nevertheless is willing to roll up his sleeves and get down to business for them. Lately, a brainchild of his has been to remove food galleys from planes, making for more passenger capacity. That in itself has not had horrendous implications for frequent fliers; perhaps it has even been an improved quality of life issue for them. However, it is rumored that based on his advice, there will soon be 50 to 75% fewer heads on board and not the kind that sprout hair; in aeronautical speak we are talking about the reduction of restrooms.
Indeed, it has been revealed through a leaked memo that Les is advocating that airlines begin to advise passengers to purchase ATBs before boarding. After some research, journalists discovered that ATB is the acronym for Airline Travel Brief, which is nothing more than a euphemism for an adult diaper. According to the memo, these should be available for a fee at the boarding gate if passengers have forgotten to supply their own. Apparently, memos are not the only leaks that airlines resent having to contend with.
Les has also come up with seat designs that are supposed to eliminate any perception of tighter space on board. These seat structures are thinner, with a bottom that somehow miraculously slides forward to produce a reclining position that doesn't compromise the knee room of the passenger in the seat behind. Not fully understanding this concept when I read it in the paper, I tried to replicate the described tilting motion with my office chair and immediately bruised my knee on my keyboard tray. I guess it's just one of those things that need to be seen to be believed
After piecing together a mental image of the Flight of Tomorrow, I can't help but think that Les is all about more: More travel-induced deep vein thrombosis, more chubby grannies staying home at Christmas, more adult diapers in the landfill (Oh excuse me, the proper term is ATBs) and more unhappy flying campers unsure of what exactly to pin their gripes on. They may catch on to what is eating at them at some point in the future when they are required to slather themselves with oil before boarding. After all, that application worked well in the sardine industry.
(A Note to Readers: After an earlier publication of this commentary, I received an email from a certain L.L. who politely informed me that I had misspelled his name. Correction: Les LeGroom should read as Less LegRoom.)
About the Author
Kerry Smith has been caregiver to senior adults for over 30 years and is the Director of Public Relations for Golden Age Medical where she is managing a growing pool of information to help inform and support those who are trying to cope with senior care and incontinence for the first time. You are welcome to visit, use and add to this online library: Adult Diapers Tips and Tricks
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